As I sat in my girlfriends hedge, listening to De La Soul's Three is the Magic number while watching her get dirty with her 'new' feller, a thought struck me in the face in the form of a slightly disorientated bat, I realised that just two very important guidelines have seen me survive through the shark infested waters of my two student years. What are these guidelines? I hear you nonchalantly and probably subconsciously think as you read this ink. Well, snap your attention rigidly to this page and all shall be revealed, but remember, in the words of the unsung hero who made Baz Luhrmann famous; my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience, and as I am a bit of a knob take it with a pinch of salt(ol' Bazzy may of cut that last bit):
1)Say Yes to everything
Whether it be parties, extra-curricular activities or buying a pint for your mate – if you say yes to everything you will be the most worn out person at the end of the year, you will be broke and you will most probably be encountering some kind off breakdown but on the flip side, you would never of known the advantages between using an épée or a sabre in a drunken midnight kitchen fencing match on Halloween .
2)Follow your passions
Even if sometimes you feel like you are the only student in the world who would benefit from a society which sellotapes teddy bears onto scalextric cars, douses them with petrol and bets on which one can travel the furthest before the fire penetrates the deodorant can strapped to the teddy bear's back while the Commodores Greatest Hits gently serenades the ensuing carnage, it doesn't mean that you are. It just means that you are a little eccentric and if you find fourteen other oddjobs (perhaps at that pesky police line up, you're always being asked to attend) you have a society in the making. Now just tell the student council you are educating children about the dangers of deodorant abuse and the world is your oyster.
And there it is, two very general pieces of advice which if you follow them like I do, will see you barred from the pub, banned from the union, asbo-ed from your girlfriends hedge, thrown off your course, ousted from your burnt down house, leaving you hungry, cold and alone and set for that real world your parents kept telling you about until they put you up for adoption
The Real Paul McCartney
www.hullfire.com
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